3 ways my husband & I use the Notes app for better teamwork, connection & fun
photo by Chloe Dawson
I will never forget hearing Cheryl Strayed describe in her poignant yet comical way that “I am ‘The List’” on the now defunct Dear Sugars podcast years ago. She was sharing that while her husband is a generally helpful partner, every trip to the grocery store warranted a call to Cheryl — the de facto knower of all-things-needed. Many women in heterosexual partnerships and marriages can relate to this experience, since many households conditioned girls and boys drastically differently around household labor. This does us a disservice when we enter into adult relationships, looking for a shared partnership.
Regardless of gendered conditioning, developing a system for managing the business of life is so key. My husband and I have been playing around with different systems for a while now, and our favorite method for managing our shared responsibilities, as well as other fun aspects of life, is through the excellently simple Notes app (aka the default iPhone app; non-iPhone users can use the Microsoft To-Do app, or any other list app that allows for sharing). Today, I’m sharing 3 ways that we use this app for better teamwork, connection, and fun.
Meal planning
This is a big one! When my husband and I met, I was a much more experienced cook, well-versed in planning meals throughout the week. As our lives started to become more entwined, it made sense to create a more transparent and shared system for meals so that 1) he could contribute meals that he liked, and 2) so that I didn’t become the obligatory chef and could keep cooking a fun experience. We tried a few different methods, and ultimately landed on a shared Note to keep track of our meals for the week, as well as the grocery list.
I can’t emphasize enough just how much this has helped to level the playing field when it comes to grocery shopping. My husband is particularly skilled at adding to the list whenever he sees something running out in the pantry (he’s great at keeping tabs on the peanut butter supply).
I’m sharing here a simplified version of how we organize our meal planning list, which starts with the meal ideas for the week, followed by groceries organized by category. This saves us so much time at the grocery store, and when we are rushed, we can easily divide and conquer.
Our shared to-do list
We call this list simply “Our Shared Life” — and we add to it/cross things off as part of our Weekly Check-In. This list contains all of the big and small things we need to get to, for example: call the plumber, schedule car inspection, return packages, buy a wedding gift, make travel arrangements, etc.
The benefits of this list are many, including:
It gives us a window into each person’s current load of responsibilities, in addition to those that directly relate to our partnership
Having this shared list of to-dos helps us to stay accountable, especially with the aspects of life we tend to avoid (for instance … I’m notoriously dodgy about returning packages on time)
We can check in week-by-week, and lend each other some support/help where needed
photo by Chloe Dawson
Movies we want to watch
Okay, so this is the fun part. We have an ever-expanding list of movies that we want to watch together, and that we reference when we have a movie night. My brain gets way too overwhelmed with the endless sea of content on streaming platforms, so I’m grateful to have a well-curated list to pull from when we want to cozy up. Our list has also grown to contain a section of our Favorite Movies that we’ve watched together.
The possibilities here are endless for the fun part of shared Notes — we also have a Places We Want To Go note and when we travel, we’ll often make a shared note of restaurants / sights we want to experience.
This practice of shared notes allows us to be on equal footing with the big and small aspects of our shared life. It helps create transparency and trust, as well as the promise that we will never, ever run out of peanut butter.
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About the author: Jaclyn Zeal is a licensed marriage and family therapist, specializing in helping women and couples develop more embodied, trusting relationships with themselves and each other. Jaclyn has a solo private practice and operates out of a wellness center in Royersford, PA. Learn more about Jaclyn, and her services and fees.
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