How well do you know the shared values around money in your relationship?
This post is part of a series called Money Dates, which offers a structured approach for couples to talk about the financial aspects of their relationship.
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Managing money is undoubtedly one of the most challenging aspects of a shared life. Who manages the finances? How are the decisions made? Should we combine finances, keep them separate, or a hybrid of both? How do we set and keep track of our goals? What if our money goals are different? These questions can sometimes get overlooked in the shuffle of life, or perhaps there’s avoidance at play.
It should be noted that there can often be power struggles when it comes to finances. So something to consider is — how can we make space for both individuality and a shared sense of ownership? Part of being in a healthy differentiated couple is accepting that we are going to have differences. These differences are important, as they keep intact our own values, preferences, and self-trust. However, in a couple must also find ways to effectively work together.
Money Date 2: Establishing Money Values
Our first Money Date exercise helped to illuminate the values around money that we absorbed subconsciously. This next exercise is designed to help us articulate our conscious money values. Take out some paper, and have each partner brainstorm their money values. Some ideas to get you started: I value having a savings account; I value spending money wisely; I value donating money to causes I care about; I value being able to treat others and be generous with money; I value not having to stress about money … etc.
After you’ve both written out your values, create a Venn diagram with the values you both share, as well as the values you each hold individually.
Money Values Venn diagram example
Our goal here is to understand more clearly where our values are aligned, and to make space to also have some differing values. Healthy relationships involve a sense of togetherness, and also welcome individuality.
Have an open discussion — how are we currently doing at managing our finances according to our values?
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About the author: Jaclyn Zeal is a licensed marriage and family therapist, specializing in a relational approach to individual therapy with women and mothers, as well as couples and marriage counseling.
In her work with clients, Jaclyn takes a unique approach that blends blends a family systems perspective with attachment theory, nervous system regulation & grounding practices.
Jaclyn’s mission is to support women and couples develop more embodied, trusting relationships with themselves and each other. Jaclyn has a solo private practice and is currently accepting new clients. Learn more about Jaclyn, and her FAQs and fees.
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