Quiet Diaries | Part 1: How to start a meditation practice
Finding gentle ways of getting still and getting quiet is no easy feat in our world. It many ways, it is an act of rebellion to go inward. To tune out the external and detach from the thinking mind.
Meditation — or the practice of breathing in stillness with nonjudgmental awareness — has been increasingly researched and cited to treat a variety of mental health diagnoses. It has been touted as an antidote to stress, and even as a way to heal the body and boost the immune system. Yet while many of us have heard that meditation is good for us, getting started can be really tough! I hear you, and have been there.
My own practice has evolved in some unexpected ways over these past few years — in fact, I really didn’t know if it would even ‘stick’ when I began. However, after seeing how many ways it has changed me (and my nervous system!), I know that I don’t want to face life without it. This practice has become a sacred part of my lifestyle. Read on for some simple tips that I followed to build my practice.
Dedicate a specific space for meditation.
When you’re just getting started, don’t overthink it. A floor cushion and a candle will do. The purpose here is to create an area that is designated for meditation, and free of distractions. It’s much easier to adopt a practice if our environment supports it. My practice began with one candle and a round throw pillow that got demoted to a floor cushion, hah!
Experiment with “habit stacking”
In his book Atomic Habits (which I totally recommend!) James Clear writes: “One of the best ways to build a new habit is to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top. This is called habit stacking.” To use this method, take a little inventory of your morning — wake up, drink water, walk the dog, make a caffeinated beverage, etc. Once you’ve thought about all the ingredients of your current morning routine, identify the best place to “stack” a meditation practice. Maybe it’s before you walk the dog, or after making a caffeinated beverage. Really consider where it would fit best, given your other habits. Being intentional about this part will ensure this is a sustainable habit, and not something you consistently don’t actually have time for.
Start small. Like really, really small.
My practice began with a ‘5 minutes per day for 30 days’ challenge through a meditation app. After 30 days, I decided to do the challenge again. After 60 days, it started to become more of a routine and I began experimenting with longer meditations. The key here is that the practice will naturally evolve, so we don’t need to get overly ambitious right away.
There are oodles of meditation apps out there. I typically recommend Insight Timer to my clients, since it has a wonderful library of free content. The guided meditations available through meditation apps are a beautiful entry-point into this work, since meditation instructors can provide structure and continue bringing us back into the present when our minds (inevitably) wander.
Resist the urge to measure your performance.
We live in a performance-oriented culture. And many of us, especially those of us who might have some Type A or perfectionistic tendencies, want to know we are “doing a good job” at something right away. We may tend to set high goals for ourselves, and want the payoff of “achieving” as a result. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I see you. Yet, the practice of meditation calls on us to surrender into the present moment — letting go of all expectations, judgments, striving, and performance reviews. It can feel really uncomfortable at first, but I promise you it becomes wonderfully freeing over time.
Don’t underestimate your ego’s resistance.
Part of what makes meditating so dang hard is that our ego doesn’t loooove the idea of us surrendering and finding peaceful ease in the present. Instead, the ego is skilled at finding every possible other thing we could be doing when we try to find stillness. Unfinished to-do lists! Emails we still need to respond to! A wedding RSVP we forgot about! Groceries! An unsettled feeling we had after that meeting last week with our boss! This phenomenon is often referred to as the “monkey mind” and it’s likely to resist letting go and allowing us to melt into present-moment awareness. And that’s okay. It’s normal and common for thoughts to invade the meditation experience, especially at first.
Respond with understanding, recognizing that meditation is quite literally going against the grain of how our brain has been operating for quite a long time.
Lean into self-compassion.
It takes a lot of courage to start a new habit, especially one that urges us to let go of the thinking mind. With this understanding, we have to be really gentle with ourselves. There will be days when we don’t get around to meditating. There will be unexpected curveballs to our routines. I’ve gone days, weeks, and even recently a whole month without meditating before getting back into the rhythm of this beautiful present-moment work.
This is a practice of humility where we stray again and again and again, and nudge ourselves back to the practice again and again and again.
Part 2 of this series explores ways to deepen the meditation experience, once there has been some established consistency.
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About the author: Jaclyn Zeal offers couples counseling, marriage counseling, and relationship therapy for individuals, couples and families. Her services are offered in Montgomery County and Chester County — including Phoenixville, Limerick, King of Prussia, Main Line, Trappe, Collegeville, Royersford, Kimberton and surrounding areas. She sees clients in-person and virtually in PA + NJ. Learn more about Jaclyn here.
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